2020 Vision? We'll see.

It is true, there is no denying the fact Australia has possibly one of the least developed broadband structures in the western world, it lags a long way behind Europe, America and much of Asia. I think this strange considering I have found the Australians have a great love affair with new technology, and appear to be some of the world’s greatest early adopters in this area. In my experience, backed up by a little research, I have decided this situation has much to do with the Australian telecommunications incumbent, Telstra, and its apparent inability to see beyond the profit spreadsheets. It seems to be too busy funnelling money to the shareholders rather than investing it in new infrastructure and actually doing something about this embarrassing state of affairs. Telstra’s stranglehold on the telecommunications marketplace means that the smaller telecommunications providers are always behind the proverbial eight ball when it comes to taking the lead and implementing new infrastructure. Of course, this is just my opinion, and thankfully I live in a country where free speech is regarded as paramount and I know that should anyone within the Telstra organisation happen across this little blog post, they will appreciate it for the informed and independent opinion it is meant to be, and if they feel differently they might comment in a constructive and objective manner.

Considering the above it seems to me that Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, has taken the lead in sorting this issue out with his newly announced 2020 summit, which will take place in April and will apparently “discuss the challenges facing Australia” see here. However, I personally think he read this article on the BBC news website which describes Australia as, “- a country that is surprisingly backward when it comes to things like broadband speeds and major infrastructure projects” and he was shamed into announcing plans to drag the country into the modern era when it comes to high tech communications. I just hope that Telstra CEO, Mr Solomon Trujillo saw the article too.

Who turned out the lights?

My company moved to new a new office building last year. I found my new desk was situated in a fantastic position, in fact the best position I have ever found myself sitting, I had a full length window which overlooked the Yarra river and enjoyed that most sought after of commodities in an office, natural sunlight, all through my working day. You may have noticed that that last statement was in the past tense. That’s because my beloved position has moved, yes it’s over and I, along with the rest of my department, have been banished to the dark and foreboding cave that is the centre of the open plan floor, a space with no more than three faltering and asthmatic neon tubes to illuminate the pervading gloom.

I have been sitting at my new desk now for a week, and as expected, it is like working on the night shift. Whilst at my desk last Wednesday, just before drifting off into a short doze brought about by the monotonous work and the low, almost romantic, light levels, I counted all of the desks I have sat at in the past ten and a half years of working for my employer. It was quite surprising, almost twenty in fact, spanning five buildings. You can see how I fell asleep can’t you?

Australia says "Sorry"

So today saw the Prime Minister make a formal apology to the indigenous peoples of Australia. This is something that the former Prime Minister John Howard refused to do for the last ten years as he didn’t seem to think it was needed. It has taken only two and a half months for the new Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, to say “Sorry” on behalf of all Australian citizens, something that, according to one pole I saw today, about 70% of Australians supported him in doing.

Two observations on my part about this: A Wednesday morning in the middle of the working week was chosen to make the speech. Granted large TV screens were erected around the place to televise Kevin Rudd’s apology speech, but why wasn’t it done on a weekend when more people would be able to actually take notice and be a part of it, underlining the supposed support for the action? My second observation is that of an average nine to fiver slaving at my desk, an observation which was quite enlightening I thought. There was precisely no reaction at all. In the office there was no mention of the speech that occurred during the morning, no discussion amongst my fellow employees, not even a fleeting comment did I hear. No acknowledgment that anything as politically and historically significant as this apology was occurring whatsoever. This surprised me a little. Consideration reveals two possible reasons, and in reality it was probably due to a combination of these two reasons, one being I am temporarily working amongst a office full of call centre staff (of which I am not one I wish to add here – not that there is anything wrong with call centre staff) with a median (mental) age of about twelve, and my second reason is that there seems to be a overwhelming sense of outward apathy on the ground (as it were) regarding this issue amongst many. I make no conclusion here, perhaps my observations are not particularly worthwhile as a lot of people, I know, prefer to keep their political convictions private, I just wanted to mention my (hopefully unbiased) observations here today.

A new year and some imminent new arrivals...

Well another new year and it is nearly the middle of February by the time I get around to writing in my blog. Nothing new in that I guess, It does make me realise how disciplined you need to be to keep up regular posts though. So I suppose that makes me irresponsible? No I don’t think so, just time challenged.

Things are fairly quiet around here right now, after hosting family and friends since early November the house has returned once more to the quiet peaceful abode it was prior to becoming a temporary hotel for international visitors. Don’t misunderstand me though, it was great to see everyone, but it is nice to chill out a bit after they have gone home. This peaceful state of affairs will I doubt last for long though. We are expecting the arrival of twins in a couple of months and then, well let’s just say it will be different. I haven’t mentioned this here before as it didn’t seem too real for some reason, now though, with a heavily pregnant wife to try and avoid bumping into in the narrow parts of the house, and piles of new baby items accumulating in every spare corner, it is time to blog about it, as I am sure that soon, I will have nothing else to talk about but babies and all the many and varied things that accompany them

I Vote Therefore I Am?

I meant to mention this as soon as I had done it, but well, as usual time got away from me. Last weekend was the Australian general election and I did my duty as a new(ish) Australian citizen by voting. Of course the privilege of playing a part in the democratic election of government in a country you were not born in is taken very seriously by most immigrants – especially if they are relatively new to the place. So, with a fair amount of pride I made my way to the nearest polling station on Saturday morning and stood in a snaking line which passed the obligatory sausage sizzle table, beneath the burning Australian sun and waited to perform my civic duty.

In the UK, if I had felt so inclined, I may have exercised my right to abstain from voting, however here, there are no such rights – everyone over the age of eighteen has to vote. How do they make you do that? Well if you don’t get your name ticked off the electoral roll, which is done when you turn at the polling station, you are slapped with a $50 fine, unless you can prove there was no way you could have made it. This is of course a great incentive to make people play a part in the election of a new government or the return of the existing one. You have to have very strong convictions to say “No, I refuse to vote as all politicians are untrustworthy” or words to that effect and not turn up - $50 buys a lot of beer…

Radio Wasteland

Today is a dark day for Australian radio, it marks the end of one of this country’s best comedy shows. ‘Get This’ with Tony Martin, Ed Kavalee and Richard Marsland on the Triple M radio network was broadcast for the last time this afternoon after just under two years on air. It was axed by Triple M who cited various ‘production reasons’, even though it had the highest listening figures of any show on the station. By way of protest for this unforgivable act, I for one will never listen to Triple M again. ‘Get This’ was the most irreverent alternative comedy show on commercial radio in this country and it’s loss has dealt a blow to quality programming. ‘Get This’ was the proverbial breath of fresh air in a stagnant sea of unimaginative and predictable radio (please forgive the mixed metaphor).

As the final echoes of ‘Get This’ recede into the ether, I know I am not the only one who has hit the off button on Triple M for good.

RIP ‘Get This’.

Look Up...

A recent gardening experience has reminded me that I haven’t actually mentioned any stories regarding Australian spiders on this blog. I suppose the ‘bizarre fauna of Australia’ type post is only of any interest to non- Aussies, as many of those who grow up here are not really that bothered about random encounters with the country’s various selection of often dangerous, or at the least nasty looking, arachnids. However the locals do love to tell newcomers apocryphal stories of spider attacks and ambushes, especially to foreigners. This, I have deduced through experience, is done solely to extract a terrified reaction out of said newcomer and thus a good laugh for themselves. My favourite of this type of story involves the large huntsman spider which is I think one of the more vsually shocking spiders to come across, with a span of up six inches and more. Anyway, the story involves a driver who flicks down the sun visor whilst driving, but nestled between the sun visor and the cars roof lining is a large huntsman. The spider drops from its hiding place and lands on the lap of the driver. The shock of having a large, fast moving spider and on the lap causes the driver to swerve and loose control of the car resulting in an accident. Now although this story is told across the country and is almost mythical in status, this does actually happen, and although it hasn’t happened to me (yet) it has happened to someone I know, although they managed to retain control of the car.

Luckily the Huntsman is not a particularly dangerous spider, you wouldn’t come to any adverse harm if you were attacked, however, if you happen to crash as a result of a close encounter that fact won’t be too much of a comfort. In fact the Huntsman is likely to fall you almost anywhere. They mainly live in narrow spaces between the bark of a tree and the trunk and are quite flat to allow this – this also means they are quite adept to finding their way into houses. Often I have woken to find a large black spider shape in the bedroom, kitchen or bathroom. Finding yourself in the shower only to look up once the water is running to find a Huntsman on the ceiling directly above your head can be memorable experience. They are a heavy spider and not particular good at retaining their grip on a slippery surface, say the damp piece of ceiling above a running shower. A shower under these circumstances is usually a quick shower. Another favourite Huntsman trick is to drop on you as you open an outside door. They sometimes sit half on the door and half on the door frame. When the door is opened they are dislodged, and if you are particularly unlucky and get the timing wrong, they drop right on top on you; again the shock value when this happens can be considerable.

Seems I have waffled on too much in this post, so the tale of my recent gardening encounter with an antipodean arachnid will have to wait until my next post.

Where's the sunscreen?

As much as I hate starting a sentence with a cliché, spring is in the air in Melbourne. Last weekend we had our first taste of warmer temperatures this spring. It made it up thirty three degrees centigrade and, well, it was kind of sweaty to be honest. The hum of wall mounted air conditioning units permeated the quiet of the suburban streets, and nothing much stirred – other than some of the thirstier suburbanites on their way to that great Aussie institution, the bottle shop*, to stock up with another slab or two of Victoria Bitter.

I find people can be separated into two types during the hotter part of the day, those who are sensible and retire inside to shelter from the raging UV, and those who go to the beach in order to seek it. Those who go to the beach are quite mad.

You can only know what it is like to be under the midday summer sun in Australia if you experience it personally. The UV rays can be felt intensely the second you expose any naked skin, you can almost feel the thousand of skin cells cooking, it’s like you were standing in a large microwave oven…

Perhaps my discomfort in these conditions stems from the fact I posses fair English skin, the type that turns angrily red in the time it takes to get from the house to the car or vice versa. I am cursed here in Australia with the inability to spend time outside between the months of October and May. Of course I can apply sunscreen, but that’s a bit of a pain, I mean you have to reapply every five minutes as that is all it takes to sweat off what you have just put on. Perhaps I too easily become the stereotypical ‘Whinging Pom’ but I just don’t understand how so many of the born and bred Aussies, complete with fair hair and, albeit often leather like, skin can wonder about apparently unperturbed by the suns vicious rays – often they can be seen not even wearing sun glasses, I am completely blinded on the brighter days - there goes the whinging Pom again. I had better shut up and continue my slow assimilation process into Australian society – but something tells me I will always stick out like a sore thumb, maybe it’s the sunburn…

*For the benefit of international readers, the bottle shop is Australia’s version of the British off license or American liquor store. The most interesting aspect of the Aussie bottle shop in my opinion is the fact that many provide drive through facilities, allowing the customer to remain in the drivers seat and buy their beer/wine/various pre-mixed drinks.

A Month Later...

Things have been relatively quiet in Melbourne of late. There have been no high profile city shootings and the place appears to have resumed its usual laid back style of going about things. The events as described in my previous posts happened a month ago now. The murderer turned himself a few days later and justice, I am sure, will be done in his case. The funeral of the Good Samaritan shot dead took place a week after the shootings amid the inevitable (but relatively subdued) media attention. The other Good Samaritan (who was seriously wounded) made his first public appearance on the news a couple of days ago and hopes to leave hospital imminently. It turns out he was a Dutch tourist who had been in Melbourne only a day or two before he found himself staring down the barrel of a gun. As might be guessed he plans to return home to Holland as soon as he leaves hospital, no doubt with some rather dubious memories of his visit.

Bad things happen in all big cities, but Melbourne always seemed a little bit less like Dodge than other cities of comparable size around the world. Events like this tend to remind you there is always a stratum of society who regard themselves immune to the rules, there are always those who are just so out of touch with reality that rational choices are beyond them, and there are those who are desperate. It’s when these things align in one person it inevitably turns nasty.

Loose Gunman

Things have been interesting in Melbourne this morning. Around 8.20, from the vantage point of my work desk by the window, I saw a number of Police vehicles squeal to a halt outside in the street. They began closing off the nearby intersection, people began running for cover as they were told to leave the area, obviously something was up. A quick search on the net gave the terse story – a shooting one street away – three people shot in the street outside a café…

This of course was a not the usual Monday morning routine, a buzz of excitement ran through office. Stories began flying around the office thick and fast. Apart from the meagre amount of information available from internet news sources, there was no definite story. Where these many and varied (and often quite elaborate) versions of the basic facts came from I couldn’t exactly work out, especially since the building was locked down at the time and no one let in or out.

More office workers arrived and found themselves unable to enter their buildings, and with nowhere to go, began milling around on the street with bemused looks on their faces, mobile phones stuck to their ears being herded around by Police in flack jackets.

More of the story was revealed through repeated hitting of the refresh button on the net browser and eventually the story emerged that a man had got out of a taxi allegedly holding a woman against her will. A couple of good Samaritans came to her aid. The man began shooting. One of those coming to the aid of the girl was shot dead and the other in a critical condition. The woman too was shot and is critical. As I write this the gunman was still at large.

An hour or so later and the crowds of people have now dissipated a little, the street is now open, a police helicopter has been buzzing overhead. The Police on the ground have disappeared but there seems to be no more news about the loose gunman.

Not your normal Melbourne Monday morning, and perhaps a sad example of why people find it harder and harder to be good Samaritans these days…

Environmentally Responsible?

Seems to be a thick layer of dust over this blog. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t post any entries for nearly six months. I would like to say I have been doing something more important that kept me from blogging like furthering my career, engaging in charity work in Africa or maybe saving a rainforest / some whales / the world from vacuous reality TV shows, but none of it would be true, hell, I haven’t even reduced the size of my carbon footprint – I’ve probably increased it with the new free flow Chevy twin exhaust system I’ve just fitted to my V8 ute*. Nothing much else has occurred worthy of mention, other than my hitting the ten year milestone in my job. It’s a strange feeling – on one hand I feel like I have achieved something making it to ten years, and on the other I wonder what I’ve been doing with my life. It is a bit difficult to move to a new employer in a lot of ways – an old job feels comfortable, although comfort breeds boredom. However boredom is something that is only a minor irritation in the big scheme of things, especially when you own a mortgage, that may, one day, become a home of your own.

In addition to this I have also forgotten to mark the first anniversary of this blog.

I haven’t been totally inactive since January though. I thought I’d sort out some of my digital photos and put them up on a Flickr page. They are mainly images taken in and around Melbourne – only a couple of pages worth at the moment but more on the way.

*Don’t worry though, due to environmental reasons (and the price of fuel) I don’t drive my ute all that often, so my carbon emissions are minimal, and I always burn rubber responsibly.

In The Days Of The Comet

Another overcast night in Melbourne and again I miss out on seeing the brightest comet in thirty years. Comet McNaught seems intent on eluding me. When I actually remember to go outside after sunset and have a look it’s inevitably overcast and I am thwarted in my attempt to be amazed at the celestial event of the decade.

I’ll try again tomorrow.

Melbourne’s Tennis Shame

Yesterday saw violence flare at the tennis during the Australian Open here in Melbourne between Serb and Croat supporters. As I’ve mentioned before on this blog, I’m not into sport much myself, but we are all used to riots at the football, in fact it’s expected but, this is tennis, not the sort of game that engenders the pack mentality that male dominated football does, I mean old grannies might have spilled their strawberries and cream.. Is there nothing sports fans won’t come to blows over?

Today temperatures hit the forties again around Victoria; bushfires near Benalla took out a transformer which supplies electricity to the state from NSW resulting in major loss of load and subsequent power blackouts. Trains and trams are badly effected, many traffic lights are out and more than 100,000 homes are without power (luckily I’m not effected at this time so I can still blog). Major thunder storms and flash flooding episodes are forecast for tonight and the public are being told to stay indoors to avoid possible death by lighting and or hail stones…

You know, some days it just feels like the end of the world is nigh.

Zen And The Art Of Wireless Network Maintenance

OK – time for what seems to have turned into a monthly post on this blog. It may appear to be an easy to answer question (the answer being because they are not lazy like me) but where do people find the time to blog every day, or even every few days? Maybe I need to learn some self discipline.

Well the bush fires continue and we are still getting some days where the city is choked with wood smoke. Still, the damage to property and loss of life has been relatively minor to what it might been – but there are still months of fire season to go yet.

My main concern at the moment though is trying to get my home wireless network happening. All the literature, both supplied by the manufacturer of my new Netgear DG834G wireless router and that written by independent sources (who I guess to be nerds), claims the network is simple and easy to set up. I disagree - in the strongest possible terms. After nearly a week (on and off) of desperate fiddling with proxy settings and permissions it is still not working. Sure I can get the thing connected (eventually - and I am still not sure how exactly) to the net via the Ethernet cable, but getting it to run without the cable (surely the point of the purchase) is a different story.

The conclusion I must draw after all this time wasting and frustration is this; I am either stupid, or the thing has been designed by the type of nerd who’s idea of logic and ease of installation is not the same as those of us with even the slightest amount of common sense (which must cover most of ‘em in my experience). I tend to favour the latter theory, but that may just be vanity talking.

Apologies to Robert M. Pirsig for the title of this post.

Bushfire season is here

The worst bush fire threat in seventy years the authorities are saying tonight. More than ten major fires are burning in the east of the state of Victoria currently and the fear is they will merge over the weekend making a fire front more than one hundred kilometres long. Living in Melbourne I’m a fair distance from the danger, but everywhere over the city lingers a thin veil of light grey smoke. The smell is both sweet and acrid, and you can’t escape it. The sunset was surreal tonight, there was a diffused bright orange glow everywhere caused by the smoke. Even though we are not in immediate danger here in the city, it is worrying. The towns near the fires have been to told to evacuate or prepare to fight the inevitable firestorm. Not a nice choice to make – abandon your home to the possibility of being burnt to the ground, or stay and defend it with whatever means you can find, and possible die in the process. So far the fires have destroyed over 150,000 hectares of bushland and the temperatures are set to rise up into the high 30s centigrade tomorrow.

Melbourne Cup Monday

The Melbourne Cup is Australia’s equivalent to the UK’s Grand National when it comes to horse racing. I am not into horse racing, but nobody in Melbourne can escape from it. The city becomes horse racing mad and odd looking hats are to be seen everywhere. The race is actually held on the first Tuesday of November every year and the best bit about it, especially if you are not necessarily into horse racing, is the fact that because of the cup all of Metropolitan Melbourne gets a public holiday, ostensibly to allow them to attend the race. Yes the city stops for a race. Unfortunately that leaves today, the Monday before the race as a normal working day standing in the way of a four day long weekend. Obviously you can take an annual day on the Monday if you want to do this, but usually you have to book it months in advance otherwise you’ll find lots of people have already secretly arranged it without anyone but the boss knowing, so they get in first and those that leave it too late have to come in to work so someone will be in to run the department. I have been working today, there are two reasons for this: the first being I forgot to organise it in time, and the second is that I don’t have enough annual leave to take it anyway after my recent trip to London, and I have to save what little I do have for Christmas.

So Melbourne Cup Mondays are always the same. The usually busy Monday morning commute is quiet – with maybe only half the usual number of people on the trains, the city is almost like it is on a Sunday afternoon instead of the usual weekday throng and everyone has a laid back attitude – knowing that they have a day off tomorrow. The strange thing about this holiday though is the way it only extends to those in the ‘metro area’ meaning people beyond the confines of the city limits have to watch on jealously as the city folk spend the day in the sun, having barbies and drinking too much Victoria Bitter and maybe even going to the races...

Should have done some research...

Just a quick addendum to my recent post (‘Open a window’ 30 September) regarding the underground’s lack of air-conditioning. I have done a little more research and discovered the reason why this is.

‘Air-conditioning has been ruled out on the deep lines because of the lack of space for equipment on trains and the problems of dispersing the waste heat these would generate.’

Thanks to the ever informative Wikipedia for the information.

The London Stone

Observation No. 4. I miss the history of an ancient city like London. That’s a major difference between the two cities for me. Melbourne was only founded in 1835, and although a fair amount of original architecture still remains, it isn't what you'd really call old. London on the other hand exudes history - you just can't get away from it. One of the things I wanted to see on this visit was the London Stone. An odd lump of rock situated in between two glass panes in the wall of a sports shop on Cannon Street. Nobody really knows what it is, but many believe it is a Roman piece, perhaps even the original mileage marker from the centre of the city from which the distance to Rome was measured, or perhaps it was just part of the many Roman buildings from this area of old Londinium. Legend has it that if the London Stone is destroyed or lost then London will fall / be destroyed / fall into ruin / loose it’s reputation as a cool destination for international tourists etc. As the old proverb goes,

"So long as the stone of Brutus is safe, so long shall London flourish,"

Anyway, I knew what to look for whilst walking down Cannon Street, but still went straight past it. It really isn't that obvious. Apparently the building in which it currently sits half in and half out of will soon be redeveloped, so there is a chance it may be relocated to a museum. I am glad I got to see it in situ.

What has Melbourne got to match a piece of history like this? Well there is the err… Give me a minute – I’ll think of something…

-The London Stone from inside the sports shop-

Open a window...

Observation No. 3. Continuing the London public transport theme. I was lucky in that the time I spent in London earlier this month was hot and sunny (high twenties most of the time), I guess I take good air-conditioning for granted here in Australia (as everyone does, it would be a tough place to live without it). But why has the London Transport system not heard of it? OK, so some of the many and varied types of train carriage may posses something that masquerades as air con but in reality puts out about as much cold air as old lady with one of those old folding fans and an arthritic wrist.

Now I know I sound like I am bagging London, but surely an air-conditioning upgrade would be for the city’s own good. It just wasn’t pleasant sitting in a fetid, stifling atmosphere deep beneath the streets – both on the platforms and on the carriages. Ok, so cold, fresh(ish) air would only be of benefit for a small part of the year and the installation costs would, no doubt, be prohibitive, but really think of all the deliriously happy commuters London Transport would have on it’s hands. I bet their heaters are good though…

Travel broadens the mind, and posterior...

My trip to the UK now seems very distant. I have started my second week back at work and I have to wonder – how do people do this? The trip itself, apart from reminding me how good it is to actually do something constructive, entertaining, and mentally refreshing ,rather than sit behind a desk at work and tick off the hours of my life, wishing for 5.00pm to arrive, has afforded my the opportunity to make some comparisons between Melbourne and London life. Here are a couple:

Observation No.1 – London tube travellers stand on the right of the escalators allowing those who want to walk, run, or trip headlong down the escalators to do so without impediment. Conversely in Melbourne the escalator users stand on the left, allowing faster upward or downward movement on the right. Why is this? Who decides what side of the escalator is for standing and which for moving under your power? Actually, I should just add to this observation that that the London tube users are quite well disciplined in this regard, and it is very rare, in my experience, to come up behind someone who doesn’t understand the accepted etiquette. In Melbourne though, the whole idea of one side for standing and one for walking/running is much less rigidly adhered to. I think there are a couple of reasons why this happens, either the Australian attitude toward such things is so laid back that such a highly structured method of doing things like this is just not seen as Aussie by some, or maybe there are just more 'unobservant' people about in Melbourne who cannot quite comprehend what is going on around them through the simple act of looking. As you may be able to tell, I am one of those people who prefer to walk on an escalator rather than cease all movement as if my legs don’t work when being propelled by mechanical means, and do not warm to those who decide to block my way.

Observation No.2 – The seats on London’s tube system are quite comfy. I was continually amazed by the fact they had such things as adequate padding and, on many carriages, armrests! Again, this makes Melbourne’s ‘state of the art’ railed public transport seem like it has been designed by some form of masochist who derives pleasure from knowing he has inflicted a world of pain of the bottoms of it’s users though the use of 3mm of cheap foam over the rock hard plastic seats.

A London Underground train pulling up at Stamford Brook station. It had very comfy seats...