And so it begins…

There is a buzz in Melbourne this morning. The city pavements are awash with volunteer officials in blue and green and blue and orange jackets. Passing by the MCG on the train on my way into the city I saw truck after truck of outdoor broadcasting units lined up with all kinds of TV channel insignias on their sides ready for the big event. Even the Queen is here; yes today the Commonwealth Games brings Melbourne under the international spotlight (well for the few countries that actually care I guess). Obviously security in the city is tight, the news has warned us all not to be alarmed if we see fighter planes flying low over the city. But despite all the excitement and hyperbole, the biggest thing on the minds of most of us Melbournites is whether or not the extra games related rail users are going to delay our journey home from work tonight…

Another item of international interest is the news that Australian tourism minister, Fran Bailey, has managed to persuade the UK to review it’s TV ban on the new ‘Where the bloody hell are you?’ tourism campaign (see my previous post). Apparently Ms. bailey managed to make the British powers that be realise the original decision wasn’t all that clever, it was pointed out to them, amongst other things, that the word ‘bloody’ (being the main sticking point due to the fact it is on the UK’s banned word list in relation to advertising broadcasts) had been used at least twice before in British TV advertising. Although there appears to be no guarantee, the fact that due to her request the decision will be reviewed, has prompted Ms. Bailey to describe this turn of events as “a bloody good result”.

You can't say that!

According to some in the UK, the 2006 Melbourne Commonwealth Games are not getting a lot of press… Well perhaps British eyes will be turned on Australia now that the new Aussie tourism campaign slogan “Where the bloody hell are you?” has been banned from being spoken on British TV. Now let me say that I personally don’t think that the vast majority of British TV viewers would be offended by this, especially if the ads were shown after younger viewers (and some older viewers) were in bed. I seriously question whether the review board (the Broadcast Advertising Clearance Centre) knows that this is now the 21st century. This decision by the BACC has boldly underlined the general consensus of many Australians that the British are a bit prudish and reserved. The Australians seem to be quietly sniggering behind their hands at the way the Brits have reacted to what is deemed here as a non-offensive colloquialism; indeed the main concern the Australians had prior to the adverse reaction, was that the new campaign may make Australia look coarse and uncultured. Some Aussies seem to be under the misapprehension that foreigners see their country as a Mecca of sophistication, art and culture, which I am afraid to say is (like the BACC) way out of step with reality. The strongest and most recognizable face the country can promote in the way of an cultural identity for the tourist dollar, in my opinion, is the true and tested (albeit clichéd) rough, yet friendly, land of the ‘fair go’ and stoic understatement, with of course lots of iconic pictures of kangaroos , Sydney Harbour Bridge / Opera House and Uluru / Ayers Rock, all drenched in brilliant sunshine. That’s what the vast majority of tourists want when they come to Australia, and if they unexpectedly find culture and sophistication in the galleries, theatres and museums, then great.

The upshot is that the Aussies are in no way disappointed about the British decision to limit the broadcasting of the tourist campaign, in fact they are awaiting the influx of extra visitors who have now taken far more notice of the ad campaign than if it had been left alone by the censors; if you want something to be really popular - ban it!

The Commonwealth what?

Eight days to go until the Commonwealth Games in Melbourne! I am not a fan of such events myself, and therefore have no interest in the whole competition side of the thing, but it is interesting to watch the preparations for it all in the city where you live. It seems like only yesterday that Melbourne won the games, but in that time a lot has happened. The MCG (Melbourne Cricket Ground) has been extensively rebuilt, ostensibly, as far as I can see for the Games - prior to that the city's main sports stadium was a worn, tatty mix of old and new that was in need of a bit of a revamp. Now, though, it looks a little more presentable as the face of sport in Melbourne.

If you come from a country that belongs to the Commonwealth, then you may just have heard of the Commonwealth Games, if you are from a country that does not belong to the Commonwealth, then I am fairly sure you would have never heard of the Commonwealth Games. The Games are like a mini Olympic games but a bit more exclusive. As you can probably guess, only members belonging to the Commonwealth may take part. So what is the Commonwealth? Basically it's collection of countries who have ties to the old British Empire, now independent or protectorates of the United Kingdom, who have the British Queen as head of state. The games began as a meeting of these countries in the arena of friendly competition, the first games were held in Hamilton, Canada in 1930. For a full history have a look at cgce history.

So, with just eight days to go, what effect has the Commonwealth Games had on Melbourne from a resident's point of view? Following over the next few days are my observations regarding this very question:

Observation 1:

The appearance of many 'Official' volunteers around the city and suburbs. Currently they look like they are wandering around aimlessly, but, as the games have not yet began, perhaps they are just going about their normal business whilst trying out their new uniforms – getting the feel of it as it were. These earnest volunteers exude the demeanour of authority that comes with a new uniform. They appear to come from all walks of life - old and young, large and small, even male and female. Come the games these people will, I am sure, show you the way to the next event, the train station and the toilets with the utmost helpfulness. They will keep competitors free from wayward crowd members who might stray in front of oncoming runners or cyclists whilst looking for the tram stop or Starbucks. Without these volunteers the whole event would no doubt turn into confused mess. But, to me, the biggest question is whether they get to keep the uniform when the games are over? I am sure I'll find out by checking ebay after the closing ceremony...

Observation 2 – next post…

By the way, I would have added a picture of the games logo to this post, but seeing as an Australian Member Of Parliament (mentioning no names, Peter Lockwood) has just found himself in trouble for using the (copyrighted) logo to promote himself to his constituents without permission, I think I might let it go this time...

I wouldn't queue for that.

Yesterday Melbourne saw a shameful display of human behavior. The American Doughnut chain, Krispy Kreme, has decided to open an outlet here in Victoria and to announce this it decided give away 10,000 free doughnuts in the city center at 10.30am. The mention of any sort of food give away makes me think of mindless rampaging crowds, intent on grabbing as much free stuff as they can carry at the expense of any modicum of self respect or pride they possess. So when I heard of this doughnut giveaway I imagined hordes of dough hungry lard heads elbowing, pushing, shoving and kicking their way to sugar heaven as if their very existences, and that of their families, depended on them stuffing as much fried dough into the fat faces as possible. I envisaged spilled blood, broken bones possibly the odd small child trampled to jelly by the raging crowds as result of this 'generous' giveaway.

Anyway, the morning dawned and in the office, talk of the event was rife. Snippets of whispered, conspiratorial conversations could be caught in between the isles and the workstations. Some of my fellow office slaves stated in hushed tones they were going to try and make it to the event - a daring thing to do considering that the location of the doughnut giveaway was at least fifteen minutes away, so the chances of explaining their absence to bosses as a cigarette break would be challenging....

The allotted time passed, and just before lunch, reports started filtering back to the office. Photographs taken by the brave souls who had indeed been there began to get passed around the office email. Soon a picture of the enormity of the situation unfolded. The hungry crowd had apparently been kept in order, and appeared well behaved. It had formed into a line, a very long line, a line that snaked around the city block where the doughnuts were being handed out, and seemed to disappear off into the inner suburbs. Strict limitations of one per 'customer' had been imposed in a vain attempt to make the little rings of fried goo last to the end of the queue.

So why do I say it was a sad display of human behavior? Well I just find it hard to understand how all these gullible people would be willing to stand for ages in a queue like lab rats, with the hope of being given a small reward at the end of it for their effort. They appear to have no idea that they are merely playing into the clammy hands of the advertising and promotional companies, who are using the event as a piece of cheap publicity. The fact that the whole thing would have cost the company less than a thirty second ad on evening TV (which would not have gotten every gluttonous office in Melbourne buzzing about it like the giveaway did) would have the advertising agency execs slapping each other on the back. After all, it only took a little knowledge of psychology to pull it off - they knew they could rely on two basic human traits, avarice and a gratuitous desire for that which is perceived to be free.