I wouldn't queue for that.

Yesterday Melbourne saw a shameful display of human behavior. The American Doughnut chain, Krispy Kreme, has decided to open an outlet here in Victoria and to announce this it decided give away 10,000 free doughnuts in the city center at 10.30am. The mention of any sort of food give away makes me think of mindless rampaging crowds, intent on grabbing as much free stuff as they can carry at the expense of any modicum of self respect or pride they possess. So when I heard of this doughnut giveaway I imagined hordes of dough hungry lard heads elbowing, pushing, shoving and kicking their way to sugar heaven as if their very existences, and that of their families, depended on them stuffing as much fried dough into the fat faces as possible. I envisaged spilled blood, broken bones possibly the odd small child trampled to jelly by the raging crowds as result of this 'generous' giveaway.

Anyway, the morning dawned and in the office, talk of the event was rife. Snippets of whispered, conspiratorial conversations could be caught in between the isles and the workstations. Some of my fellow office slaves stated in hushed tones they were going to try and make it to the event - a daring thing to do considering that the location of the doughnut giveaway was at least fifteen minutes away, so the chances of explaining their absence to bosses as a cigarette break would be challenging....

The allotted time passed, and just before lunch, reports started filtering back to the office. Photographs taken by the brave souls who had indeed been there began to get passed around the office email. Soon a picture of the enormity of the situation unfolded. The hungry crowd had apparently been kept in order, and appeared well behaved. It had formed into a line, a very long line, a line that snaked around the city block where the doughnuts were being handed out, and seemed to disappear off into the inner suburbs. Strict limitations of one per 'customer' had been imposed in a vain attempt to make the little rings of fried goo last to the end of the queue.

So why do I say it was a sad display of human behavior? Well I just find it hard to understand how all these gullible people would be willing to stand for ages in a queue like lab rats, with the hope of being given a small reward at the end of it for their effort. They appear to have no idea that they are merely playing into the clammy hands of the advertising and promotional companies, who are using the event as a piece of cheap publicity. The fact that the whole thing would have cost the company less than a thirty second ad on evening TV (which would not have gotten every gluttonous office in Melbourne buzzing about it like the giveaway did) would have the advertising agency execs slapping each other on the back. After all, it only took a little knowledge of psychology to pull it off - they knew they could rely on two basic human traits, avarice and a gratuitous desire for that which is perceived to be free.